Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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