Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
