I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
