I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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