Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
