Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
