I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
