Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
