i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
