life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
