Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
