i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
