Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
