You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
