Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
