Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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