I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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