Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize