it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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