tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
