Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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