Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
