so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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