i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
