The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize