The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
