she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
