hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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