i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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