3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
