My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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