i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
