Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
