Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
