Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
