Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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