dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
