I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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