I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
