Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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