Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
