He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
