i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
