The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
