suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
