You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
