dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
