yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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