yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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