cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
