Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
