I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
