I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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