sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
