What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
