guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
