i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
