So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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