It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
