I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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