My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
