Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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