kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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