i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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