as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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