this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
