Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
