do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
