were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
