Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
