Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
