just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
