It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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