I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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