he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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