dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
