Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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