Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
