dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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