I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
