I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
