Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
