actually, I'm a sock model
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh god the rape fog is back!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
