he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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