evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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